Buy a lipstick and change a life……

My name is Linni and on the surface if you saw me in a coffee shop or in the queue at the supermarket you would think we are alike, I’m a mum and a grandmother – but I’m not like you I’m homeless and living day by day with my life in suitcases hoping that some kind soul pays my motel room bill or lends me a sofa to sleep on.

You can read how my life turned on a dime in this blog but before all this happened I used to sell Mary Kay cosmetics and I need to rebuild my life so instead of asking for hand outs or pity can you spare me the price of your daily Starbuck $3.95 unless you have the one with all the bits at $5.00 I could be then selling Mary Kay.

I need $50.00 to get my account started and then I can sell my way out of this situation I can change my life and that of my children- due to very bad health I can’t get a normal job so I am trying to work my way out of this desperate situation.

That $50.00 can give me and my children long term security and give me a way of earning my living and a lipstick will put a smile on everyone's face.

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Daily Motivation

Fake It Till You Make It

Deeper Roots.....

·       If someone waved a magic wand and sprinkled star dust on your life what would you do – if your luck changed what would be the first five things you would do? 
A:Well, the first thing I would do is thank God for blessing us! 
2) would have a home for my children and i. 
3) would have a vehicle to get us where we need to go. 
4) would try and help someone else in need.
5) would re start getting healthy. 

·       How do you stay motivated to get up and start each day. 
A) knowing that I need to keep looking... knowing that if I find a place, my children and I will be back together,I am the only one that can change this. I need to do MY PART 

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·       What has been the biggest revelation or the revelations since being made homeless. 
A) homelessness knows no color, knows no faith, knows no " class " that we all walk around saying " it wont happen to me ". guess what.. IT CAN! that the body of Christ needs to help more.

·        Has your perception of homelessness changed since this happened to you. A) yes it has. just the fact that it can happen to ANYONE at anytime. its not because people are lazy. people have health issues, people have unforseen things happen in thier life that couldnt be prevented. 

·       What do you think the Government could do to help vulnerable families and people to help them so they don’t fall in this trap. 

A) the government could be a little more helpful with helping to find places..  not to judge others, and "label" them. make known their programs and such.

·       When your out of this situation how could you use this life changing experience to help others.
A) tell my story.. tell people what it was like... use this situation in my ministery. 

·       If you could look back on this experience what is the biggest lesson you have learnt ? 
A) life is too short, and precious! MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! that God has a plan, and a purpose for everything!

Reality Bites .......

As the American Dream is all about consuming and buying - imagine downsizing your life to the bare essentials 


While you are at the shelter. space is limited so you really can't have alot there. 


Clothing, shoes and pictures, and personal hygene stuff, is pretty much it.. in our room, we had 2 beds, 1 dresser, and 2 closets.

My daughter had pictures of my grand daughter, and my parents up. She decorated her closet walls with posters, those  rubber bracelets, and other items. it looked really cute!


It was hard for me, because all my pictures are elsewhere... 


 I went ahead and left personal care stuff in the bathroom.. much easier that way! When we needed anything like QTips, shampoo/conditioner, toilet paper, tooth paste etc, we would write it on a sheet and the shelter provided it~ it was nice because it really enabled people to save their money~


But living your life out of a suitcase every day is not like one of those magazine features "travelling light"

Homeless Shelter - Reality

The shelter we stayed at used to be an in patient treatment center for drugs and alcohol. there were 6 rooms for famlies to sleep in. there were single moms there, moms and dads with children, and I am sure there could be single dads with children.. 

 Each family had their own room to sleep in. there were 4 full bathrooms, and 2 with just sinks and toilets.. 


Rooms 2 and 3 shared a bathroom, as well as room 4 and 5. rooms 1 and 6 had their own bathroom..

Every night each family had a chore to do. the chore list would rotate every night, so you kinda got used to what you had to do each night of the week. Some people didnt do theirs properly, and it was frustrating.

One single mom had 2 little boys that would cry, and cry loudly every morning. making you feel bad for her. all of us there got along great, and we were like one big family.

Homeless issues - Food

At the shelter we were at, we were not allowed to bring any food or drink into the shelter.. ALL food was donated by Churches.. each week a Church, or Churches cook foods at home, then bring them in and they serve us. 

When you have dietary needs we are at the mercy at the volunteers.. I am a diabetic, so most often than not, I was not eating very well.. I AM however grateful for the food. just wish there was more foods for a diabetic. 


 In the hotel I was at, I was not able to get a room with a kitchenette, so again I was not eating too well.. lots of sandwhiches, some salad, and rarely any hot meals.. my blood sugar has risen and its frustrating..I did have fruits and some veggies.. just not alot of protein, and honestly probably too much bread.. lol

God Is Up To Something

The reality of living in a shelter

I'd like to take a minute to tell you about my experiences at the shelter we were at.. it's something unless you have been in my shoes - homeless you will never know about visiting and volunteering is one thing - living in one is another


The shelter we were at is a family shelter, and really, I had visions in my head about shelters, and boy was I off! lol We were in the shelter starting the 22 of December 2011. 


 The way the program works is, if you are un employed, you have to put in 15-20 job applications a week.. you could do it online, or face to face. When you are employed, you look for housing... they have a nurse that is there 2 times a week, and I have to say, she is VERY knowledgeable they have a  counsellor for kids, and she was great they have case managers for the adults, I'm going take the 5th on this one.. 


 They have a housing coordinator, they have someone who works with people after the move into new housing. 
 I always felt like I didnt fit in; like the folks who worked there didn't want us there.. things were told to some residents, and not to others.. not a good way to do business~ 

 Breakfast was served from 6am-9am; cereal, fruit, toast, and we made our own breakfast.
 Lunch was whatever time you ate it. 
Supper was at 6, and ALL residence had to be present, and in the dinning room, unless they were sick, or was un comfortable because one of the volunteers. Supper is provided by different Churches every week, and sometimes those volunteers are teen agers. Well, we were written up because there were 5 teen age girls there to volunteer, and my daughter was uncomfortable, and chose to stay in our room...


 After supper, there were volunteers that took the children down stairs for an hour for play time.. ALL volunteers were from Churches in the area. They would cook all meals at their home, then bring it in. There were chores that had to be done every night, and most parents would do their chores while the children were downstairs. I would wait till after playtime, and have my daughter help. 

 It was hard going into the shelter in Dec, because we were going to spend the 23-25 with my oldest and her inlaws. We couldn't, because we HAD to be back at the shelter at 6pm. the other 2 shelters are not that way. I understand the reasoning for it; to have families have supper together! 


 We had an assigned day to do laundry, and I fel like a child because they had to put the soap in, because they were those new washers. At 9pm, stuff to pack lunches were set out, and you would pack your lunch for the next day. that food was also brought in by volunteers.. and sometimes, I think they would forget how long the lunch meat had been in the freezer.. Why? because when it would thaw it looked funny and tasted badly!
 In the shelter were MANY different folks, from different placed.. ALL walks of life. For the most part, it was OK, I just dont like the treatment I recieved,,,

Thought Of The Day

That's me off the ladder

So, needless to say, because I had used my rent money to pay for mommas cremation, in July 2010, I lost my home.. everything I owned went into storage, and we were staying at one of my daughters friends homes..

 To back track a bit, a week after momma passed away, I was hospitalized, and diagnosed with sever COPD, and Type 2 diabetes.. also, the weekend we were to move out of the house, my son fell off a 24 foot roof, shattered one heel, and broke the other...

 Staying at the friends house was ok for the most part, but for whatever reason, my unemployment from PA didn't transfere over, and I had no income.. the tension was getting to be a bit much, as the 2 best friends, (my daughter and her friend ) had a falling out..

 We had come back to my home town of Chelsea, MI to visit friends and go to the fair.. my friend asked me if I wanted to stay with her and her children for 30 days, while I got things worked out.. So, thats what we did.

 It was hard, because I was getting no income, and was sunk deep in depression... in 2010, Feb, April, Sept, and Jan 2011, we lost four family members.. Step dad, momma, uncle, and Grand mother...

 So we went to another friends home, and had been there just over a year... her life had changed, and she was now involved with a great guy, and it was time for it to be her and her family once more..

 My Son had to go stay at his girlfriends home, and my daughter and I went into a shelter in Dec of 2011. In Jan of 2012, i had major surgery; right c

Losing My Job.......

So, losing my job was just terrible, because i just LOVED it there!


 Little did I know the plans God had for me! 


At the End of August 2009, we packed everything up, and driving a U- Haul truck pulling a U-Haul trailer, we started back to MI. I was STILL arguing with the Lord about moving back!

 We pulled into Jackson MI at about 9am, 14 hours after we left Strasburg, PA. Momma was so frail looking.. she had pulmonary fibrosis, parkinsons, and sarcoid. there we 5 of us, 3 generations living in a 2 bedroom apartment. 


 My oldest daughter Stephanie and her husband were expecting their first child in September! on 11 Sept 2009, my daughter went to the hospital, and on 12 September 2009, my beautiful Grand daughter Sarah Renee was born! 


How exciting for me to be able to bein the delivery room with my daughter and son in law when my grand daughter was born!


 In Nov 2009, momma had a stroke... in Dec. 2009, my step dad's kidneys started to shut down, and he was hospitalized and then put into a rehab place so he could get his strength back.


 Sadly, that never happened.. on 13 Feb 2010, my step dad had a massive heart attack, and passed away..momma was devistated! she slowly started going down hill.. 


 I moved her in with us- I had a 4 bedroom home... it was easier that way, as I would take the kids to school in the morning, and then go to mommas and stay there; kids would come there after school, then we would go home in the evening... 


 Momma passed away 0n 25 April 2010. She fought a long and courageous battle... I used my rent money to pay for her cremation. my siblings didn't help at all... as a matter of fact, I still ow $500. 


The day of momma's memorial service my brother kept taking all the cards folks were giving us. You see... when my step dad passed, I could only pitch in $500 toward the $4,500 1day viewing, and cremation. So my brother felt that the money that was given for momma was his.. 

My life in Lancaster

In 2006, my 2 younger children moved to Lancaster PA.

 God had guided us there, and I knew NO ONE there.. I started working at Target in the Pizza Hut area, and also helped out in the Starbucks part.. I loved my job, loved the customers that came in. 


 2 months after starting there, I got a job at Sight and Sound Ministeries also working part time.. 

I had the 2 jobs, and a one bedroom place for the 3 of us.. I LOVED my job at Sight and Sound! 
It is a live Christian theater, and how wonderful it was to see others come to Christ after seeing a show!


 I put in for a full time position, and a month later, was hired in full time at Sight and Sound, and I left target. 
I worked in the concessions and in the merchandise department and LOVED it! 


I made some life long friendships, and am totally blessed!


 We moved to Strasburg, which is a little burro, and is totally beautiful! My children were in great schools, and had some great friends! 


 Then in 2009, June to be exact, I recieved a call from my sister, and she told me she had went to moms Dr appointment with her, and the Dr said there was nothing more he could do for her.. At that moment, I told God I wasn't moving back to MI, because I had a great Church, the kids were in great schools, and we had a nice home!


 Well I realized that it doesnt matter if something is good or bad, if its in the way of what God wants to do, He gets rid of it! I lost my job a month later!

My Babies - My Life

I was 24 when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, 5lbs 4 oz, 18 1/2 inches long! 

I remember the fear of being a mom for the first time, and being a single mom, as her dad left us when i was 6 months pregnant... I named her Stephanie Ann, and had so many dreams for her! 


She is now 25, married, has my beautiful Grand daughter Sarah Renee, and is a certified medical assistant! I'm so proud of her!


 When I was 32, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! 6lbs, 5oz, 19 inches long!


He and I, at his young age, had already survived " intent to do great bodily harm less than murder" at the hands of his father my husband! 


I named him Gerald William, after my dad who passed away 5 months before he was born. We have called him Billy his whole life, because he didnt look like a Jerry ( what my daddy went by ) or a Gerald, or Garold ( thats what grandma called daddy ) I figured he was a Lithuanian Hillbilly, his middle name was William, we'd call him Billy! lol

 Then at 36 years old, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, who was 6lbs 5 oz, and 19 1/2 inches long. 


I named her Maretta Julia-Durgan yes, I hyphenated her middle name! lol She is named after her Great Grand mothers, and my maiden name. 


My children are my world, and I love them more than life itself! 

Saturday Blues

Well, its Saturday, and I have a jack hammer running in my head, and I'm frustrated with my daughter! 

SOMETHING has to change! I can't keep going through all the disrespect from her. it brings me down really, and it hurts.. I left this kind of stuff when I left her dad in 1998.. im tired of walking on egg shells with her. im sure homelessness has ALOT to do with it..


 UGH! homelessness.. that word. 


I dont like the sound of it... I dont like the feeling I have because of it. so many people have expirenced it. it takes your self worth, your pride, and everything else away from you.


 One thing that has been a constant in my life is God. Always providing, always taking care of us! Thank you Lord! even when I am not faithful, He is thank you Jesus! He has put wonderful people in my life, and i am grateful. now if I could only get through this time with my daughter! 


My nerves are history... all I do is eat eat eat! hungry or not! my thoughts are scattered most of the time, and again, its frustrating! 


 I praise You Lord, and give you all the glory!

House Sitting

So, my daughter and I are house setting for a friend of ours, and you know, I had to empty out the hotel room so that we could come here! TOO MUCH WORK!!! i so badly want a place to call my own! 

 So my mind is thinking to Tuesday, and how I need to go to the neurologist, and how I need to find a place to stay.. 
when you are homeless, your mind always ends up back to thinking of where you will be staying next!


 I try not to let worry and fear creep in.. it does all to easy though! 
I have applied for disability, was denied, and now have a lawyer to appeal that decision.. I dont want it forever, just for now, so i can get my health back! one of the places I applied for called me to set up an interview! so I set up an interview, and will look for work until the disability comes through! 
 it's something I have to do if I want to get a place to live, and a vehicle! keep me in your thoughts and prayers, Iappreciate it!

Gosh, every day is such a struggle for me!

Gosh, every day is such a struggle for me! 


The depression stinks, and playing the waiting game doesnt help at all cause I don't wait very well.. being homeless doesnt help with the depression.. kinda gets my anxiety going till i have an attack... just breathe! slowly breathe in... slowly exhale...

Homelessness knows no ethnic background, social status or anything like that.. we all say " it won't happen to me " well guess what? it did... how does it make me feel? like im not good enough.. like im a bad mom.. like like like like like... yes, the devil just loves when I doubt myself, and have fear.. well get behind me satan!!


God has gotten me through ALL of this.. without Him, im nothing. WITH Him I can do all! 




I get tired... physically, and then my anxiety spikes and I have trouble breathing...this new chapter in my life has really worn me down... 


Need to make more phone calls tomorrow... maybe eat healthy tomorrow.. lol theres always hope, right! will write more later..